We used to be able to say that we’ll agree to disagree. I’ll keep my view and you’ll keep yours. You won’t change my mind and I won’t change yours. Sometimes its opinion, sometimes it’s a different view of the facts. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen any more. Almost never! Too often there is their version of the information and that is the only acceptable version.
“Agree to disagree” is a conversational strategy used to resolve a stalemate. It involves parties halting a circular or unproductive argument while acknowledging differing perspectives. It allows individuals to maintain a polite relationship when neither side will be convinced to change their mind.
Tolerance no longer means being tolerant of other opinions if they disagree with you or certain special interest groups. Forcing me to believe what you believe isn’t any more fair than for me to do it to someone else. It’s not hate, it’s disagreement.
My Christian faith informs my beliefs, actions and morals. If you don’t have the same beliefs, you are not held to mine. However, that doesn’t mean that I think your actions or beliefs are correct or moral or right. Nor do I believe that I must or should believe what you do.
Some options when we don’t agree.
- “I hear your perspective.”
- “I understand where you are coming from.”
- “It’s okay that we have different approaches to this.”
Fyodor Dostoevsky said, “Tolerance will reach such a level that intelligent people will be banned from thinking so as not to offend the imbeciles”.
Dostoevsky understood that the preservation of intellectual freedom is often uncomfortable. When a culture begins to value social politeness over the rigorous pursuit of reality, it creates a vacuum where critical thought is viewed as an act of aggression. The ultimate irony he points toward is that true tolerance requires the endurance of ideas we find disagreeable.
We won’t always agree. We won’t always believe the same things. Let’s have a conversation instead of telling me that I’m intolerant or hateful.
Let’s talk.